I was attending a retirement seminar today, thinking how wonderful it will be when I can relax and enjoy the fruits of my many years in the work world. I've been looking forward to this seminar, as I had a bit of idea how much I could draw from  my pension if I retired next year, and I am excited about leaving this job and going somewhere new.  I had no illusions about the amount that I have in my pension after 25 years in public teaching, I knew it would not be enough to live on,  but I thought "Hey I'll do something else and it'll be a nice cushion."  Well, it seems that I will be working a lot longer than I thought, as I did not factor in some of the things that I have come to take for granted. Such as, the cost of health care per month (which I now receive free as an employee) and the fact I have to pay taxes on the money I have put into retirement. The calculation did not exactly set me at ease the way I thought it would. But, that's not to say I have to do the same job. It was a little depressing to find out that I was not getting the kind of pension that I had hoped for, and that to get the kind I really want for would require me to work 2 more decades...AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. Well, let me correct that and say I won't be working at the same place for 2 more decades. But, I will be working , at least I could be working for a long, long time. (sigh)

I do feel grateful that I am able to work and have a secure position, especially in this economy, but I was really very surprised at myself or feeling so down about the fact that I really have to keep working so hard for a long time more. This life is tough, and it would be easier if money were not an issue, but it is. So, we keep chugging along and doing our best.  Chug, chug, chug.

What's it all about, Alfie?

When I sat today, contemplating life(as I truly do and fairly often, too) it occured to me that I can't comprehend the meaning of eternal existence-the existence that we humans aspire to...one of perfection...of profound and all encompassing bliss and love. You know what I mean, the great here-after. I simply can not comprehend it.

As I simmered this over in my mind, I tried to put myself into the future, to imagine the feeling of achieving an ecstatic, eternal, perfect existence with the Creator...well,  I just sort of blanked out. It was impossible to imagine.

More than that, I thought for moment, "hey, would I find it boring to go on like that forever?" What can be enjoyed when all is enjoyed?

I know that there are many things in this life that I enjoy greatly and will be sorry to leave behind, if that is indeed the case. But suppose I get to do them/have them all at the next level of existence? Would I even want/need them if all is perfect? 

It seems that I spend my life in 2 ways: researching and practicing the things that will allow me to reach the highest level of existence I can achieve on the earthly plane, and researching and practicing the things that will allow me be received at the at the highest level that can be achieved after I leave the earthly plane. 

How then, can there be such things as just "existing and allowing"?

I don't know. I just...don't...know.  

Its raining and cold today, which does not make for good golfing. But it does make for good late sleeping and catching up on the work around here. Chores, chores....not my bag but until things change, still my job.  Laundry has got to be the worst...no wait, vacuuming, with it's awful noise.

In any case, I do not like housekeeping chores of any kind! No shopping, no dishes, no cleaning. I am determined to one day find the person who LIVES to clean for me. There has to be someone out there who loves to clean, who gets tremendous satisfaction out of the whole process, and who could think of nothing better than to do all this for ME.   So where is he/she?    ;-)   The search continues...

Here's what I'm grateful for today:  My new friends Grace and Melynda, both awesome Reiki Master Practitioners and powerful healers; my friend and superhero Lori, and my lovely home which is not spotless, but which keeps me off the street, warm, cozy and dry on a day like today.

I'm now off to dreamland and to send Reiki to those who have requested it. Love and light to all~Cro